I had been extremely tired at work to the point of where I was falling asleep on my lunch break. I was going straight home from work and going to sleep. I had no energy whatsoever. My first thought pointed to being pregnant but I wasn’t sure as we weren’t actively trying…. But we weren’t being careful either.
I told my husband and we stopped by the store and bought a test but I wanted to wait the next morning since it’s more accurate first thing in the morning. The next morning I woke up anxious, my alarm didn’t even have to wake me up…I was ready to take the test. I took the test and it was a very faint positive – very hard to see…but a positive is a positive. I hadn’t missed my period at that point so I waited two days until I actually missed my period (and I did). I took another test and the line was darker but it was still faint. We went to the doctor for confirmation the next week and the pregnancy was confirmed. We were so excited. Our due date was June 6.
We told both of our mother’s the next weekend, we wanted it to be a surprise. We also told our immediate family and we had agreed to tell the rest of our family on Thanksgiving as we would have our first appointment by then and everything. Everyone was so excited!
The following week (Monday) I awoke at 2 a.m. to cramps and bleeding. I was still half asleep, I went to the bathroom to get a pad to see how much blood I was losing and I went to the kitchen to make a homemade heating pad with rice and a sock. I managed to go back to sleep praying that the bleeding would stop…I read that in some cases it was totally normal to bleed – I was reading stories of how everything was okay in the end. My alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. and I was still bleeding. I woke my husband up and told him that I think we needed to go to the ER. We needed to make sure everything was okay.
At first we stopped by my OBGYN and they told me that they only saw people for emergencies if they were over 16 weeks and we were told to go to the ER. We get to the ER at 6:47 a.m. and they gave us our own room. I had to put on a gown and do a urine sample – the pregnancy test came back positive. They did blood work and then a vaginal sonogram. They didn’t see anything with the vaginal sonogram – there wasn’t a sac. They told me that I could be earlier in our pregnancy than I thought and it might be completely normal for them not to see a sac if this was the case
Hours passed before I saw an actual nurse for the OBGYN. She had to come from the OBGYN to the ER and evaluate me. I wasn’t wheeled to an actual room to be evaluated, it was done right there in the emergency room. She turned a bed pan upside down and put it under my back to lift me up…that was a very uncomfortable position for me to be in. There were no stirrups on the bed and the position I was in was so painful. She told me my cervix was closed and that could be a good sign. They wouldn’t know until my blood work came back. I was told to take it easy until we find out of my HCG count came back. They let me know that it’s supposed to double every two days. My HCG count was 80 which was very low to be 5 weeks. They let me know they would be calling me to set up an appointment to have my blood drawn in 48 hours (Wednesday). We were finally discharged around 3:00 p.m.
Of course I worried the entire time. The bleeding had stopped but I was still unsure of what to think. Tuesday came around and I didn’t receive a call. Wednesday morning came and they finally called me (on the day I was supposed to come in). Apparently they had scheduled it but had failed to call me, there were communication issues. She let me know I could come in anytime so I decided to go right then…I was eager. I went in to get my blood taken and was told that I would be called that day with the results.
Friday morning came and I still hadn’t gotten a call from anyone telling me whether or not I had a miscarriage. You would think that would be the first thing they did, right? It’s not like I’m sitting at home worrying. They had a patient portal where you can review your labs and everything that was done – it takes 48 hours to be inputted online but the doctors know within hours of the test. I checked the portal to find out my count had lowered to 36. I knew what the answer was just from seeing that, I didn’t need anyone to tell me. I had prayed and prayed but God has a bigger plan. The nurse finally called me Friday afternoon to tell me that they didn’t need to see me – my body had taken care of everything naturally.
We had/have a great support system. Great family and great friends. Not many people knew about it. The only thing is my sister-in-law. She didn’t congratulate me when she was told that we were pregnant and she didn’t say anything when she found out we had a miscarriage, which shows who she is as a person and I hate that. But that is for a separate blog.
It’s hard thinking I should be pregnant. We were so happy. But God has his own plan for us and I have to remember that. Just because we lost our baby early doesn’t mean that I wasn’t a mother. Life was growing inside of me and I know that is hard for some to understand when they’ve never had this happen to them.