Huntington’s and violence

I know Huntington’s Disease come with a ton of symptoms.

I had a rough childhood.

I grew up with domestic violence every day. My dad would beat the crap out of my mom. I remember most of it but my brother and sister don’t because they were so young. He is/was my father, I know he loved us very much. But having all of that in the back of my memory, it’s hard to think of him like my brother and sister think of him.

The question I continue to ask myself….would the Huntington’s Disease have made my father so violent that early? I know that he got the little symptoms really early without any of us knowing. My mom had no idea that Huntington’s Disease was in his family, and she had no idea that he had the gene when she divorced him. She had no idea what was going on. All I know is that she had a court order against him that he wasn’t able to see us because of the violence and abuse.

When my mother found out he was sick, she allowed us to go stay with him at my aunt’s house a state away as much as they would let us (which was twice a year). We saw him as much as we could until he passed.

My uncle says that when their father had HD, he was very violent and they dealt with domestic violence a well.

My horrible anxiety comes from my childhood

Unforgiven

Has anyone seen the movie Unforgiven produced by Clint Eastwood? I am trying to write a paper on Delilah and what her character symbolizes in the movie. Delilah doesn’t really say or do much in the movie, but she is the main cause of the events. If you guys have any insight at all let me know!

Rise above

Domestic Violence awareness is a big part of my life. Everyone has deep dark places inside of them where they never wanna go… This is one of the topics.

I witnessed domestic violence at an early age. My mom lived in terror, when my father would get in one of his drunken rages and constantly beat her. I was so young yet I remember it so vividly. I was a tiny little girl who would try to push him off of her, I wanted to save her. When she was yell for us to go in our rooms and close the door, I knew what was about to happen.

I thank God every day for the cops that came and took us away that one horrible night. That was the end of it all. Mom would finally be safe, we all would. He never laid a hand on us, from what I remember, but it was horrible enough seeing it happen to my mom. Her screams, her cries, I just wanted it to stop.

I remember the day we left. Chairs were thrown at our car as we were leaving. My dad went to live in Georgia with my uncle. My brother and sister went to visit that weekend, but I didn’t want to, I was scared. I remember being scared that they would kidnap me.

We moved, father not knowing where we lived. When he visited he would visit at my grandmother’s house. I remember him writing my mom notes and begging for her back. I would sneak in the car and read the notes that he would write her. I was scared of him. Kayla and Kane weren’t, they were too young to know any better. But I was always hesitant. I knew.

Mom was a single mother taking care of 3 kids. I have no idea how she did it, but she gave us a great life. Took us to the zoo, amusement parks, etc.  Later on, we ended up moving with our “step dad”(Joe). He was the only father figure I had in my life. I am so thankful for him, I like to say that he was our savior and he showed my mom that not everyone is like my father.

I ended up marrying right after high school….with a guy I had only been with for 3 months. I don’t know what I was thinking…I guess you could say I wasn’t at all. But he was very controlling, and I thought it was because he didn’t want to lose me. I wasn’t attracted to him (yeah, I know), and when we were saying our vows, we didn’t even look at each other or hold hands. And our preacher was drunk, of all things. That should have been red flags there. I was waiting for someone to speak when he says “speak now or forever hold your peace”, but no one did.

We fought ALL OF THE TIME. He was emotionally abusive before it went physical. I had to quit college because there were other guys in my class and I couldn’t have a job. When he would leave for work, he would take the keys to my car and come home for lunch. If I was driving anywhere I had to talk to him the entire way there and back. We moved away from family and friends so I had no one. He would throw things at me, punch holes in walls…he never hit me, but it’s still abuse. He threatened to kill me once when I deleted one of his World of Warcraft characters. He RAN after me, picked me up, and started slinging me around. He asked me if I knew how easy it would be for him to break my neck. He let me go, I kicked him in the nuts and I grabbed my dog and left. He called me and told me if I didn’t come back he would report the car stolen.

I thought about leaving so many times but I didn’t have the guts to do it. I wasn’t financially independent. There was a time when I packed some clothes, grabbed my dog and I started driving. I wanted to go to my mom’s but I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on. I ended up going to the Walmart parking lot and just parking.

The horrible turning point of my life happened when I received a gut wrenching call from my sister. I remember I had just gotten out of the shower, and I was drying off. I answered the phone and my sister was crying. “Paw Paw shot Maw. Someone heard on the police scanner of a murder suicide”. My heart stopped. My grandmother was a beautiful soul. She was always happy and wanting to help people, and she was so young. I called my mom, and all she would tell me was to get to Dana’s. One of them were in the helicopter being flown to UAB, and we weren’t sure who it was. We had to stop and get gas, and I received a phone call from my sister. “Maw is dead, and PawPaw is half alive”. I went crazy, hysterical. It was a nightmare, and I was hoping someone would wake me up.  That was a horrible tragic day and I wasn’t sure if we would ever recover from it. My mom still hasn’t.

I started working at Walmart and was able to get away from the house and him. I had people to talk to, to give me advice.

I finally had the guts to leave, and I did. My mom and aunt convinced me to try again, to at least try to give him another chance. I didn’t want to, but for them I did. Of course, it didn’t work out. I didn’t love him; I was never in love with him. I deserved to be happy. I have never even been proposed to. I know, I was married but he never even asked me. I dream of being proposed to, having that experience.

Leaving was the best thing I ever did.

Life isn’t always what you think it will be. But you can overcome. You can rise above. Domestic Violence isn’t just about physical abuse. There are so many other abuses out there and verbal abuse is one of the ones on the top of the list. Don’t let that happen to you, put a stop to it. Leave before it’s too late. Talk to people, get help. You are not the only one.